The Bleakness Within

Part of me wished I took the advice given to me, but the other kept saying this was part of growing up. I wasn’t wrong, it was everyone else who was wrong. It was wrong of them not to be here for me when I needed it the most. I sat that night battling with my inner thoughts, with the slightest hope I could close my eyes and go back in time, before I entered this hell. I sat there feeling completely worthless and began to regret my life. Everything hurt not my muscles nor my bones but my soul. It was an ache that I had never felt before, the kind that seemed as if it would never fade away. Waking up in a panic I could feel the drips of sweat run down my back. I hear my heart beat bounce off the walls and into the void.

I remember hearing my mom calling my name from the kitchen. As she did every morning when breakfast was ready. That Saturday morning was the big day, the start to my new life. After weeks of arguing with my parents they finally came to realization there was no other alternative. I would be moving out. I had packed my bags the day before, and said all of my goodbyes. Little did I know this would be my last breakfast; before I would commit the biggest mistake of my life.

I missed it. The feeling of being passed out on the floor. Not having any recollection of the days, hours, minutes before waking up. It was the split second when you just wake up. Your eyes are half way open, and there is a little bit of crust on the edge of your lip. The moment when the world seemed raw, and the only problem was being back in the reality that was broken beyond measure. Meanwhile, my hoodie was half way down my torso as I walk into the aisle, staring at the great variety of wine. I could hear a familiar tone making its way into my ear. “oh the stars where made for us…” A vague flashback over takes my mind. The spheres of many different colors and numbers some with stripes and others solid. I grab the billiard and sharpen its cue before I took my first hit. “Here have some smoke it’ll help your focus” I heard at a distance. As I look up I am blinded by the many different colors of red, white and blue.

“Ma’am, ma’am, are you alright” said the young man standing before me. A shiver goes throughout my body as I make the attempt to get up.

“Yes I am fine I must have slipped” I responded.

He gives me a genuine smile and walks away. I made my way to the car and stared at the cloudy sky which promised rain. I could feel my hand shudder as I turn into my driveway. I jerk the door open. A mountain of dirty laundry stares at me. As I try and make my way through my living room. Spots of sunlight creep into the room from the slanted curtains which were covered in dust. My fingers grip on to the glass and begin to move at a rhythm. Watching the wine go round and round. As I stare at the blank screen anticipating for a single buzz from the only person that had my escape. *Ding* *Ding*

Feeling the small pill shift between my fingertips with millions of thoughts running through my head. This was my chance, my chance to take a leap into the unknown. Reality had become too much to bare. I stared at the meaningless pill pronouncing every letter in my head X……A……N……A……X. I could feel the knot in my throat, I take a gasp of air…

1. What influenced you to create this work of literature/art?

One of the greatest factors that influence me to write this short story was trying to Give people a better image of the words that go unspoken and thoughts that go unseen. Depression is one of the most common mental illness that doesn’t get taken seriously. I intend to break the silence.

2. What is the central theme of your work?

My theme of this short story was how depression links to drug abuse.

3. What impact do you want the work to have on the audience?

Life can be cruel at times and it is time to stop keeping it a secret. I would like to impact the audience by letting them know there are loved ones who are too prideful to speak up for help, and that depression is real and is something we should take very seriously. I would also like to remind people that at the end of the day drugs aren’t the answer if anything they will just take you deeper into the cycle.